From ED_STANNARD.parti@ecunet.org Thu Sep 4 11:05:52 1997 Date: Wed, 3 Sep 1997 14:12:59 -0400 (EDT) From: ED STANNARD To: hfarkas@ims.advantis.com To: hfarkas@ims.advantis.com *** Original (but possibly edited) note follows *** >Sender: 18th Century Interdisciplinary Discussion >From: Julie Reiser >Subject: JOKE: Declaration of Independence >To: C18-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU > >[My apologies that my first posting to this list isn't something >scholarly; however, this 18th-century "document" was just too good to >keep to myself. Julie Reiser] > >[forwarded] > >Dear Mr. Jefferson, > >We have read your 'Declaration of Independence' with great interest. >Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of >your statements do merit serious consideration. Unfortunately, the >Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications >for proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for >further refinement. The questions which follow might assist you in your >process of revision: > >1.In your opening paragraph you use the phrase 'the Laws of Nature and >Nature's God.' What are these laws? In what way are they the criteria on >which you base your central arguments? Please document with citations >from the recent literature. > >2.In the same paragraph you refer to the 'opinions of mankind.' Whose >polling data are you using? Without specific evidence, it seems to us >the 'opinions of mankind' are a matter of opinion. > >3.You hold certain truths to be 'self-evident.' Could you please >elaborate. If they are as evident as you claim then it should not be >difficult for you to locate the appropriate supporting statistics. > >4.'Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness' seem to be the goals >of your proposal. These are not measurable goals. If you were to say >that 'among these is the ability to sustain an average life expectancy >in six of the 13 colonies of at last 55 years, and to enable newspapers >in the colonies to print news without outside interference, and to raise >the average income of the colonists by 10 percent in the next 10 years,' >these could be measureable goals. Please clarify. > >5.You state that 'Whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of >these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and >to institute a new Government....' Have you weighed this >assertion against all the alternatives? What are the trade-off >considerations? > >6.Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive. >Such a long list of grievances should precede the statement of >goals, not follow it. Your problem statement needs improvement. > >7.Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all. You >state that the colonies 'ought to be Free and Independent States,' >and that they are 'Absolved from All Allegiance to the British >Crown.' Who or what must change to achieve this objective? In what >way must they change? What specific steps will you take to overcome the >resistance? How long will it take? We have found that a little foresight >in these areas helps to prevent careless errors later on. How >cost-effective are your stategies? > >8.Who among the list of signatories will be responsible for implementing >your strategy? Who conceived it? Who provided the theoretical research? >Who will constite the advisory committee? Please submit an organization >chart and vitas of the principal investigators. > >9.You must include an evaluation design. We have been requiring this >since Queen Anne's War. > >10.What impact will your problem have? Your failure to include any >assesment of this inspires little confidence in the long-range >prospects of your undertaking. > >11.Please submit a PERT diagram, an activity chart, itemized budget, >and manpower utilization matrix. > >We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your >'Declaration of Independence.' We welcome the submission of your >revised proposal. Our due date for unsolicited proposals is July 31, >1776. Ten copies with original signatures will be required. > >Signed, >Management Analyst to the British Crown > *** End of original note *** Peace, Ed "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." --Anne Frank < Episcopal Life > < New York > < 800-334-7626x5375 > < H: 203-483-0502 > "Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge" --"Actual" newspaper headline